Renewal!

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Renewal!

Postby Aren on Thu Jul 15, 2010 5:20 pm

Hello all.

Thought I'd post a little introduction, or more technically, a re-introduction, as a few of the older members here will probably know/remember me!

I seem to have become very lost in life in my twenties, but training at the gym seems to be the one thing that "grounds" me and keeps me stable.

I've had so many aborted attempts at a "career" that I've completely lost touch with what an earth to do with myself, as it were. More seriously, I've always struggled with depression since a teenager and it seems to have had a debilitating and self-destructive effect on my life - in particular a crisis of self-confidence that has meant I've utterly underacheived in life relative to my potential, or consequently lacked the necessary belief to make things happen. Only for about 5 years in my late teens/early twenties was I free from this curse. It returned after my relationship fell apart after 6 years, and I've been permanently single ever since, which is a hard thing to bear. It's the classic catch 22: confidence breeds success, but success breeds confidence.

For example, I became a qualified personal trainer & sports massage therapist at great personal expense... then never make use of it, let my registration expire, and then for the following six years struggle to pay the loan off whilst earning a pittance in mundane retail job (I'm now in the final six months of the loan).

I'm sad that during the dark times when almost overwhelmed with negativity I ended up losing friends and people online who I'd developed an affinity with. Looking back with a fresh perspective, I see that most of the fault lay in my court, as it were.

Anyway, to attempt to start to curtail this overly long ramble, which is probably very tedious(!), from a point of ground zero I've been putting in a real effort to reinvent myself. I've been putting in a huge effort to try to stay positive and believe that I can retake control of my life. I keep feeling I'm close to a "breakthrough" moment but I'm not quite there yet. I remember how hard I used to train, not for any particular purpose but for my own benefit, and it also occurred to me that the points in my life when things were really positive always occurred at precisely at the points when I would be training extremely hard on an almost daily basis. I guess you could say it was a stabilising factor!

I don't really have anyone to depend on or pick me up, so it all has to come from myself and solely from myself. I will have to defeat my personal demons alone to be rid of them.

The rather simple conclusion I've drawn is that I don't need to train for any particular purpose or find any rationale other than just purely the overall benefit of training in itself. As stupid as it might perhaps sound, I'm a much "better" person when I train hard. I'm far less downbeat!

Since moving to Newcastle I've really missed not having anyone to train with, as of yet, since it always added an extra dimension and intensity to training, as well as having a good laugh. The sessions with Alex were ace - sadly I was forced to move from Woking due to financial reasons just when things felt like they were starting to turn around again after my breakup.

There are a couple of prospects for training partners at my gym up here as I've been going to the same gym for over 3 years now, so I think it will change soon.

On the plus side, I've kept things up the last few years, and have made significant "technical" improvements on my lifts, without necessarily making huge strength/weight gains. My squats are better than ever, and although my shoulders have improved, it is my legs that have seen the best improvements. Mostly I haven't been eating "big" so have consequently just been more maintenance than anything else.

Back into things in a serious way again, and already starting to notice things moving forward physically again.

So hello again, old and new friends, and lets see if I can't finish 2010 on a much higher note. I'm not under any illusions that things will be straightforward or magically change, but I do feel that if I can just keep things going, things will slowly start to change for me. I think it all revolves around finding and developing that core of unshakeable self-confidence: people who have that, make things happen for themselves. Everything follows from that.
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Re: Renewal!

Postby simon m on Thu Jul 15, 2010 7:31 pm

Nice to see you back fella!
Have YOU kissed your guns today?!
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Re: Renewal!

Postby Craig on Thu Jul 15, 2010 8:29 pm

I got stuck in a rut for a few years, making progress down the gym can keep confidence in something when everything else is so so. To be fair you do babble on, your obviously one of those that thinks too much, but if thats who you are its better to embrace it than try to change it.

I used to think "just be your self" was a retarded comment made by women to try to help hopeless males, and to be fair, it is in most cases. However not changing how you act or your values, no matter who you are around is really all confidence is. Most people will adjust there tone and even opinions depending on who they are around.

Plus train the guns more, its all about the guns............. and the sust :mrgreen:
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Re: Renewal!

Postby Rab on Fri Jul 16, 2010 7:12 am

Good top see you back
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Re: Renewal!

Postby kp1512 on Fri Jul 16, 2010 10:39 am

Aren - You need balance and sit down and work out what it is you want; in general

Environment and network play a big part on and in our lives - if your in a shithole get out of it.......harsh but its true.

Dont wait for things to change -- change them yourself.
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Re: Renewal!

Postby Aren on Fri Jul 16, 2010 2:02 pm

Simon & Rab - cheers.

Craig - think too much/over-analyse; yes, I'm guilty as charged on that front. But as you say, it is in my nature...

KP - yes, what do I want, the big problem... When it comes to career, I just don't know, totally clueless. I've got so many different interests that I pull myself in a million different directions. Have never been able to focus on any one thing...

Environment... well, due to a whole series of events that I won't bore you with, I've now ended up living back "home" with my mother. So although I've got a comfortable living environment, as it were, it is pretty disappointing in other senses, since the last thing any 28 year old wants to do after having lived your own life for a decade or so is move back in with a parent[s]. I've become a bit socially isolated from my friends as a result, as I now live well outside the city so have to commute on the bus - makes it very difficult for nights out etc. as I'm stuck with public transport and a taxi would cost a fortune. Can't afford to run car. Hoping to move back into the city again next year when I'm financially a bit better off.

I suppose the most obvious way that I could improve things would be to get a significantly better paid job. Trouble is, I've always been utterly clueless as to career/jobs ever since a schoolboy, and endless meetings with career advisors etc. have been to no avail. My failed attempts at new careers/training have proved costly.

So yeah, I'm scratching my head as to what to do - been like this for years, it is driving me crazy!
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Re: Renewal!

Postby Gym-pig on Sun Jul 18, 2010 10:53 am

Welcome back man , good to see the beard return :D
" You've got to stand up for yourself.Sometimes it might backfire ,and you might get hurt ,but it won't hurt as much as letting people constantly taking away your self -worth with their words " Gregg Valentino
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Re: Renewal!

Postby kp1512 on Sun Jul 18, 2010 11:16 am

Aren

Why dont you profile what you want to do against what you CAN do?

See we all want to do everything - Id love to it lots of things but simply cant as time, money, skills, etc.

Focus on the top three things that will make you happy, take advantage of your skills and be a stepping stone
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Re: Renewal!

Postby simon m on Sun Jul 18, 2010 4:49 pm

kp1512 wrote:Aren

Why dont you profile what you want to do against what you CAN do?

See we all want to do everything - Id love to it lots of things but simply cant as time, money, skills, etc.

Focus on the top three things that will make you happy, take advantage of your skills and be a stepping stone



Agreed - it's known as the "art of the possible" and something that I have taught people who have struggled with reaching their ambitions. Goals have to be achievable and it's best to have a handful at a time, and keep Angelina Jolie off the list, she's on mine! :D
Have YOU kissed your guns today?!
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